


All I Could Do To Survive

by AshZombie13



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 14:55:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16120850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshZombie13/pseuds/AshZombie13
Summary: Negan is held captive in the Alexandria prison. He was the man you fell in love with in the woods who happened to also be the same man terrorizing your community. He fooled you and now you struggle for answers as your world falls apart.





	All I Could Do To Survive

**Author's Note:**

> Song Inspiration: Ice Nine Kills entire album “Every Trick in the Book”. A lot of lyrics were worked into the story!
> 
> Bonus Points if you notice the TWO references to "Fear the Walking Dead"!

I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t care that it was the middle of the night. I needed to talk to Negan again. I had been intrigued by him ever since I met him in the woods. But I didn’t meet him the way the others did. I never saw Glenn and Abraham die. 

I got out of bed and quietly got dressed as I began to reminisce about the first time I had met Negan. I was scavenging in the woods and had run into a small herd of walkers that I thought I could take on alone. I was wrong and outnumbered by the dead. Just when I thought I was about to die, a man with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire came out of nowhere, saving my life. He pulled me up to my feet and side by side we fought off the rest of the herd….

_“You must think you’re some kind of badass? Out here alone with all these fuckers?” He had a makeshift smile and a polished look even though he was covered in blood._

_“I can take care of myself. I always do.” I glared at him._

_“Oh a stubborn one aren’t you?” he chuckled again, which was adorable, but also getting on my nerves. “Where are you from?” he asked._

_“Atlanta.” I was short with him. I didn’t trust a stranger with details of my life, especially nowadays._

_“Atlanta? That’s all I get? Did you see what just happened here? I just saved the damn day! I provided a service to you and I don’t even get a thank you?”_

_“Thank you…” I paused as I was turning away to look back at him, “What was your name again?”_

_“Negan,” he grinned and I instantly felt my heart drop._

* * *

 

Negan perked up in his cell when he saw I entered the room, “Hello, hello. You’re the last person I expected to see. Come for a little late night rendezvous?”

“I want to know why.” I spoke instantly. Not knowing was killing me. I had fallen for someone that had done horrible things to people I loved. But I still didn’t see the monster the rest of the community feared. I still loved him. Happily Ever After came crashing through the rafters when I discovered that my Negan was the one terrorizing us.

“Why what? What exactly do you want to know?” Negan danced around the question. Acting like an innocent lamb when I knew he was the wolf. And I was the fool. A fool for not hating him, a fool for still loving him despite his lies.

“Everything. Why did you do it? How did you become this way?” I asked almost begging.

“Why does it matter? These words aren’t going to set me free. Doll, you gotta stop trying to turn the villain into the victim.”

“Please! I have to know why!” I cried out. At this moment, tears dripped down my face and my heart screamed as I searched for answers.

“So you wanna hear a fuckin’ story?” Negan chucked, “If you tear apart the pages of the story of my life, you’ll see my struggle to survive. A long time ago I traded my merciful heart for a murderer’s brain. I can’t say I don’t regret that shit. Now I curse what’s in my head, because I can’t fucking stop seeing red.”

“I don’t believe you Negan! You’re kind and loving, you have a heart… you have a soul. How are you even the same person I fell in love with?” I realized I almost didn’t recognize him. I was still looking at Negan, yet he wasn’t  _MY_  Negan. It was as if something else was in control of his body entirely.

“I did it because I could.” Negan stared at me with no emotions. 

No feeling in those dark brown eyes.

* * *

 

_“Hey Damsel in Distress!”_

_I heard a familiar voice call out. I looked over my shoulder to see the leather clad Negan approaching me from across the street as he nonchalantly slammed his bat into a passing walker. “Well would you look at that! I saved you again! What’s the score now? Six… no seven! Seven times I’ve saved you!”_

_“Hardly.” I huffed, “That one didn’t even know I was here.” I went back to digging inside the box I had found on the side of the road._

_“What ya doing, doll face?” Negan’s voice sent chills down my spine as he loomed over me._

_“Taking what I need, leaving what I don’t.” I closed up the box and stood up. Feeling the warmth of Negan’s breath down my neck as he stood a little too close._

_“Can I help you?” I snipped, not wanting him to know I was enjoying his body being so close to mine._

_“I don’t know… can you?” He whispered into my ear. His hand trailing up my arm. I quickly turned around to face him. I don’t know what was coming over me, but I caressed the side of his face as he looked at me. We paused for only a moment, but the gaze felt eternal._

_Suddenly, we pulled against each other, both melting away in each others lips. We were fixed on each other. Despite our trembling bodies, we knew we both needed and wanted the same thing as we always did._

_I can admit I had a crush on the mysterious Negan. This was one of the many times we had crossed paths. I had become desperate for his affection. He tainted my mind somehow. I had started leaving Alexandria more often to go on solo runs in the hopes I would cross paths with him. It got easier when he left me a walkie. We stayed in touch. He would call out for me and I knew when the static broke and I heard his voice… he was near._

_We would have little dates as I like to call them more and more often, and when the fun was over he would make like a shadow and disappear. But I still felt him with me. His scent lingered on me, intoxicating me._

_These meetings became everything to me. It gave me a will to live in this dark world, and holding onto this feeling I had for him was all I could do to survive._

* * *

 

I was special to him. I had to be.

How he was speaking to me know was unlike him, and it was crushing my soul. What little light I had left was draining away...

“What you’re saying doesn’t make sense.” I could feel the tears pouring down.

Negan rolled his eyes, “How much fucking more do I have to explain it? There’s nothing I haven’t said already.” Negan’s words felt like ice against my skin.

“I thought I was yours and you were mine. I love you Negan! I’ve loved you for a long time. Does that mean nothing to you? Am I nothing?” I pleaded.

Negan wouldn’t even look at me, his lack of eye contact was abnormal. He would mesmerize me with those gazing eyes. Bewitch me into believe anything he said. He used every trick in the book. I had been drowning in his lies and my friends paid for it in blood.

“You… are a LIAR!” I fell to my knees sobbing.

“See, it don’t matter how you look at it. I’m the bad guy in this story, right? I’m the monster, the big bad wolf! I don’t have an inner Jekyll, it’s Mr. Hyde all the time. Forget Prince of Darkness… I’m the King! Hell, I’m the fuckin’ Devil himself!”

I started to wonder just how much he lied about, “Did you always know I was from Alexandria? Was it all a part of some sick plan?”

“No. I had no idea. I thought you came from a community I didn’t control, but surprise, surprise here you are with good old Rick the Prick. What a bonus!” Negan seemed unentertained of my presence, as if I was annoying him.

I felt like my life was in slow motion as my world crumbled down. This wasn’t really happening. I was nothing more than something to do to pass the time. I wasn’t special.

“Were there others?” I gulped, not wanting to hear the answer, “I heard… you had wives?”

“Oh… did you think you were the only one?” Negan scoffed.

* * *

 

_I heard the motorcycle roar down the road._

_I’d been waiting in front of the Route 24 sign like he instructed. I stared down at the box of random shit that was sometimes at these markers. I wondered if Negan was responsible for them._

_“Need a ride, ma’am?” His scratchy voice cooed at me playfully._

_“Only if you’re offering.” I playfully replied and kissed him sweetly. The way he would smile after our lips parted made me feel so at peace. I would always be safe with him. He was my soul mate._

_I usually wouldn’t know where we were going, but I didn’t care, as long as I was with him. I would get lost in his presence. His words swayed me like no other. I was addicted. His touch electrified my soul._

_We entered the small abandoned bar he had emptied out a while ago. I quickly hugged him. Already missing the feeling of clenching onto him. He tilted my head up and with his hand below my jaw he kissed me. My kiss intensified as I leaned onto him._

_“What do you want?” Negan whispered softly between kisses._

_“You,” I barely was able to get out since my lips couldn’t stand to be away from his. “I want you! You… you… you…”_

_“I want to hear you say it.” Negan playfully bit my ear._

_My head leaned back as I moaned. I moved in to kiss him again, but his hand quickly grasped my throat to prevent me from doing so. “Say it.”_

_I pouted, feeling like a scolded child. “I want you… I want you to fuck me!”_

_He grinned so devilishly and next thing I knew, our clothes were tearing off. Negan’s hand trailed between my inner thighs. His eager fingers wasted no time as he massaged my clit and teased my entrance. His tongue circled my hardened nipples, making me whimper. My fingers entangled in his hair. I pulled him off my tits, forcing him to look at me so I could kiss him. My hands succeeded in doing so and they fell to my slides. Negan’s hands began to guide mine back to his body, as if he couldn’t go a moment without my touch. He moved my hand against his hard dick and I could feel him sigh from the touch._

_I trailed my kisses down his chest. My lips eventually finding his sensitive head. My tongue swirled around the tip before taking in his entire length. My mouth gagging on his size, but I didn’t want to stop. I looked up, my eyes meeting his lustful stare. His hand held a firm grip on my hair and he used his strength to pull me to my feet. Our lips met each others again, our kisses becoming more heated and aggressive. Negan’s teeth nipped at my swollen flesh, causing me to whimper._

_Negan groaned, “I fuckin’ love when you whimper like that.” Negan chuckled as he slapped my ass._

_He slowly spun me around, his lips nipping at my neck while his hands made their way up to my tits. I could feel his hard cock sliding against my ass, and I whimpered again, causing Negan to bite my ear playfully. His hands grasped my ass before he slid them up my back, pushing me down to bend over the table. Negan began sliding his cock into me so painfully slow that I was silently screaming as he stretched me out. My nails dug into the edge of the table. I gripped as hard as I could. I knew what I was in for._

_Negan was rarely ever gentle._

_Slowly, he pulled his cock out of my sensitive pussy, leaving only his tip. He gripped my hips so hard I was sure there would be bruises tomorrow, then he slammed his cock into me. Using my hips he kept a deliciously fast pace. The room filling with our moans, and our colliding skin, attracting who knows what outside. But that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered outside of this room. We were in our own little world. Our sanctuary._

_I started muttering as I felt the orgasam building up fast._

_Negan gripped my hair into a ponytail and yanked me backwards, “What was that, darlin’?”_

_“Harder. Negan. Harder.” I pleaded, even though I truly believed I was already at my limit._

_“Harder?” Negan chuckled, “You already came four times, but if you want harder…” I screamed as Negan sped up to an almost unnatural pace, “Then you’ll fuckin’ get harder.”_

_My entire body shook, my vision becoming spotty, my legs starting to give out, but Negan held me up. He pulled out and turned me over, pulling me up to sit on the table. I was surprised he was done already. Just then he spread my legs apart, sliding his still hard cock in my drenched pussy. He rolled his hips against mine, slowly fucking me. His hands gently caressing my hair instead of pulling. His lips softly brushing against mine._

_I felt truly at peace, completely safe, and madly in love with Negan._

* * *

 

I’m waging war on myself.

Do I love him or do I hate him?

I know it might sound ridiculous to be in love with such a cruel man. I know I shouldn’t believe what he says when he promises me the world. He’s not real. This man in front of me now had stolen the love of my life. He took it all away. I would do anything to bring him back to me.

“You should go now.” Negan finally spoke up.

I’m not sure how long I had been sitting there on the floor. I had zoned out. I felt like I had been falling apart in the pouring rain.

“Just go.” Negan repeated himself, more assertive now.

“You realize you’re never getting out of here? You’re stuck with me! I will be here every day. I will be the constant reminder of what you could have had.” I was proud of myself. I didn’t know how I even got the courage to speak up like this.

“I didn’t want it. I didn’t want you.” Negan looked away, again unable to make eye contact.

“Liar.” I snapped. Negan remained silent. “You know what’s sick? I can forgive you killing my friends. We stroke first. You were just getting revenge. I can’t forgive the women you lied about. I can’t forgive the false hope you gave me of our future. You told me you wanted me to come back to your community.”

“That was to join the rest of the wives.” Negan chuckled.

“No. You knew I wouldn’t go for that.” I argued.

I began to hear noises outside. The sun was rising and the community would be awake soon. I needed to leave Negan’s prison before I was caught. I looked at him, longing for him to say he did lie and he did love me. I wanted him to tell me to never leave his side. I wanted him to tell me I meant the world to him like he meant to me. He was my reason to wake up and get through the day. He was my light in the darkness. Negan was my everything. And I wanted to be his everything. These are the words that could set me free.

But all I got was a cold stare from the empty shell of Negan.

I gathered my energy to leave him. I would visit him again tonight, like I knew I was doomed to every night. As much bad as he done and as much as he hurt me… I still saw that glimmer of the Negan that swept me off my feet.

I snuggled up into my bed, yearning for the feeling of him being here with me again. My racing thoughts of Negan reminded me of a scene from my favorite book,

_“You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”_

**Author's Note:**

> So I kinda gave up on writing for a while. Haven’t finished a full story since last year. I started this one 6 months ago, but abandoned it. I have been going through a lot recently, some of which I poured into this story. Hopefully this is the start of me getting back into writing.


End file.
